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GHOSTER’S ARE COWARDS

Updated: Oct 28, 2021



Its spooky season! Facebook and Instagram crashed not too long ago and its apparently the shadow period of the end phase of Mercury retrograde. I think it’s the perfect time to talk about ghosting!


WHAT IS GHOSTING?


It is the abrupt end of contact between you and another person without any further way to reach them. Things could have taken a turn for the worst or things could have been going superb, then all of a sudden, they...


...disappear



Shall we continue?


Yes you read the title correctly, if you are a ghoster, you are a coward. But before you get defensive, being cowardly isn’t 100% a bad thing. The best part about being a coward is that you don’t have to be.


The truth is, we’ve all done it or had been on the receiving end of being ghosted; and to be honest we are in a generation where being savage, heartless and manipulative seems more important than actually building authentic relationships. Were toxic, damaged and impatient. We operate from our lower self of survival. The “let me hurt you, before you hurt me” narrative.


When it comes to ghosting, disappearing is easy, it’s a way out of having tough conversations but unfortunately, it’s not always justified.


Realize there are two types of ghoster’s— the one who did their best to communicate and got fed up so they disappeared; and those who have wronged you and decided to be Houdini from the guilt.


Type one has already communicated on wit’s end and have likely just matched your energy to dead things for good. As type two are the ones who are the real cowards because they lack accountability; it’s easier to run from their demons than to face them.


(I write it like it’s a disease. In retrospect, as emotionally damaged our generation can be…it might as well be.)


I’m sure you are determining which type of ghoster you are and to be honest many of you are both. You all can’t claim the first type of ghoster, someone is lying, and that’s ok!


Our generation has this idea that all relationships are expendable—that if this one isn’t working out or fail’s we can move on to someone else that’s way better. Better doesn’t always mean compatibly, better can be as shallow as someone whose more attractive and richer. Since we feel there are infinite options, intimately we don’t treat people like people therefore, we ghost with no remorse.


The idea of having a better partner then the one we have puts us in a rat wheel of keeping our options open; not having gratitude for our current relationship and keeps us from being present. We have a dog’s eye for everything that has legs; were distracted, but don’t blame society! It’s your job to refocus.


Realistically out of billions of people on earth, you could have a happily ever after with a thousand of them; but the odds of you meeting all of your best matches in one lifetime, are slim.


That happily ever after is 100% nonexistent if you’re still toxic and don’t do the inner work. That’s really what we’re talking about is toxicity. It’s a commonly used word that no one wants to claim. And that’s why someone is lying; that someone is you and me…


Toxic traits don’t stop with ghosting; being manipulative and gaslighting are thrown in there as well.


The idea of being toxic, is so toxic, claiming your toxic is becoming cool.


A favorite, is manipulation. For example: informing the person you’re dating that you two aren’t in an actual relationship; but wanting all the benefits of being in one. The exclusivity, the sex, the cuddles at night—everything else in the world except dating you. In the beginning it may work, but as someone typically gains feelings for the other, someone is going to want more.


It’s pretty clever. You can’t get mad because you agreed to this. You can’t be hurt if they’re seeing someone else; they don’t owe you Christmas or birthday gifts, dinner dates, and the conversation of meeting your parents shouldn’t come up at all. Because we’ve already discussed that were not together.


There’s the gaslighting: Not taking accountability for your wrong doing and denying it happened or pretending what occurred wasn’t all that bad. We’re not accountable; we point fingers for the mental refreshment of blaming someone else and not ourselves.




There’s the Psychic. It’s excepting your partner to know exactly what you want, what you’re thinking and how to meet your wants and needs all without communicating; because for the six months they’ve been dating you, they should know who you are better than they know themselves.


...yeah ok.


This really isn’t any different from ghosting, neither one of them have clarity and a lack of communication, if any at all.


The ghoster is such an artist they will ghost with no explanation which was part of their master plan. Most people are looking for clarity on what happened; the moment they decide to reach out, they will come with some lame excuse to get you sucked in again.


Let's get real, how many people left you high and dry (lovers and friends) before the pandemic? Then wound up coming back DURING the pandemic? Did you entertain them? I bet you did... it was a health crisis, i'm sure you were lonely; so i'll give you benefit of the doubt



Now correct me if I’m wrong, being communicative, loving, affectionate, supportive, truthful and faithful were non-negotiable but in modern relationships they seem like privileges. The bare minimum being deemed a reward is also toxic.


You’re lucky if you have communication and blessed if your partner doesn’t cheat on you. It’s all these reasons and some, that 19-year old’s are saying they’ve giving up on relationships when they’ve barely started.


As I’m telling you what your problems are, I’m not going to pretend like I’ve always been the best girlfriend. I will admit I’ve cursed some mother-fucker’s out and I’ve broken some shit and not because I woke up feeling like being a bitch that day.


That was the result of constant frustration, not being heard, and being disrespected. Those were my volcano moments. They’re moments that I have done my best to respond as maturely and effectively as possible to a very disheartening situation and not getting the reciprocation I deserve, so in turn, I erupted.


This toxic trait which may not seem so toxic up front but definitely is; is entitlement. (I am guilty of this) We confuse entitlement for dignity —"I deserve this and that” when a lot of us are asking for things we can’t/ won’t offer.


This may sound very crazy, but what is worse than someone lying to you, cheating on you and abusing you, is staying in a relationship demanding that person to treat you better. When they don’t owe you anything. You could just leave…





There is comfort in placing blame; it takes the weight of guilt off our shoulders. Just like ghosting— no going back and forth, no explaining yourself, no answering uncomfortable questions—you simply disappear.


But there is greater power in taking accountability. Not accountability for the shit heads who have issues like being a pathological liar. But being able to see all the issues in the person you’re with, despite time that was invested, and not relying on hope that they’ll change; but having facts of what’s transpired and being able to walk away to not cause further distress within you.


Actions speak louder than words, forever and always. People will show you how much they value you.


This isn’t to confuse leaving the moment things get difficult because they will. As I told you prior, you could have a happily ever after with 1,000 different people in this lifetime; best believe there will be arguments, disagreements and annoyances with every last one of them. You can’t escape romantic struggle; there’s no perfect relationship, only healthy ones.


SO WHAT'S THE END GAME?




Do you have a goal? a destination or know what you want when it pertains to a relationship? It's ok if the answer is no.


I knew a guy that told me he hated when women asked him, what’s his intention. At face value I didn’t understand what was wrong with the question.


He went on to say why does he have to have an intent? Why can’t they just vibe? The more he spoke I realized it wasn’t necessarily him having a problem with the question, but being annoyed that he didn’t have an answer.


With sex still on the table lol, he didn’t know what he wanted, what he was looking for and that’s ok.


With the plethora of option’s and us not working on ourselves, how could we know? Just vibing is an intent. It may not be a good enough answer for them who wanted a boyfriend or a husband—but him looking for a girlfriend didn’t ensure they’d be compatible or that things would work out.


Your future spouse could be the guy/woman you’ve been booty calling for the past two months. The point is we think there are rules and there are none. There are no rules to getting to your desired outcome of a relationship; and communication is the foundation of it all. If you don't know maybe expressing that is better than disappearing lol.


So think about the last person you ghosted or the last person that ghosted you. Did you receive or give clarity?


If you were on the receiving end of being ghosted let it go. It is wrong but you may feel entitled to an explanation when they don’t have to give you one. You may never get clarity or an apology, learn to be okay with that. And to the ghoster’s you are exactly what your name is…scary as fuck.




Happy Halloween Losers,


- A Readable Adventure


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