THE STORY OF LIZZO Why are we so fixated on Lizzo's weight?

To the naked girls on Instagram who aren’t influencing women to be hoe’s....

To the rappers who claim hoods that aren’t influencing young men to be gang affiliated

And to everyone who smokes to a song on their live and aren’t

influencing people to do drugs...

...this is for Lizzo; whose love of self seems to be influencing everyone to be...fat.

A debate with a really good friend transpired not too long ago about self representation. He argued, like most, that she was influencing women to be overweight.

He says, “like, other women are going to think they don’t have to workout cause she’s big and successful and always showing her ass.”

I never laughed so hard in my life. The thought that he and I both shared the same backstory; the fat nerdy kid practically all our lives who couldn’t get a look from the second nerdiest and probably just as ugly kid in our school; and had to thrive off of personality alone. This also didn’t work all the time because physical attraction is just as important, but that’s another article for a different day!

For what it’s worth, it made us humble, health conscious and not so easily distracted by the physical appearance in the opposite sex

As for Lizzo she will never influence me to go back to a lifestyle I worked so hard to get out of. General health has been a focal point in my life through trial and error. Yet, Physical health is something I’ve practically mastered over time, as for mental and emotional health; I progressively try and fail daily.

Although, Lizzo can’t influence me to be overweight, what she did influence was to be happy and confident regardless what I looked like and to stop relying on the approval of others.

Till this day I’m still insecure about not being enough, yet realizing if I designed myself perfectly the way I physically wanted to be, my mentality would probably still want more. That doesn’t mean I’m ugly, or “wack” in reality. It's a reflection of childhood wounds that haven’t completely healed.

Lizzo may be over weight but she seems pretty happy...where as I’m pretty in shape and barely hanging on to the word ‘satisfied’

So What’s the difference?

Happiness is unconditional love for self. it’s the type of cheerfulness that’s hard to break down. Where as satisfaction is just accepting where you are with the desire to be somewhere else, whether you're taking the steps to get there or not.

But if being in the best shape of my life, wont make me love myself, what will? It’s not something you find without yourself, its to find within.

Out of all the plus sized models like Ashley graham, Tess Holiday and many others; Lizzo’s care free attitude about her shape and size has made everyone uncomfortable and disgusted ...why?

How often does she have to wear skimpy outfits on stage, twerk her butt on Instagram or do full on nude magazine spreads to show you that she literally does not give a flying f*ck what you think?

How many times does she have to show you, you cant break her?

...And when will you understand that your disgust, your comments and your hatred only gives her more publicity, attention and clout that she deserves. But most importantly it’s a reflection of yourself trying to attain perfection that you will never reach.

It’s taken you three years to lose your lower belly fat, to stop hitting the snooze button at the last minute before you’re late for work or to start the project that you've put off for months even years. So, while were all fixated on how big she is you can’t even get YOUR life together.

Aside from her weight, she’s actually a pretty dope artist, that’s a little hood, a little classy , her cute ass flute.

But, we’ve become so shallow ...that the least important thing about her has distracted you from her music and her message.

Hopefully you aren’t this friend, family member, lover or coworker but here’s a list of things to do and not to do towards the overweight person in your life.

THE DON’T LIST

1. Stop being so comfortable to tell your overweight friends they’re overweight (especially when they didn’t ask you). They have mirror’s at home and live in their skin 24/7, 365. They know what they look like and even worse they know how they feel. They don’t need you to tell them every 5 minutes how big they are.

2. Realizing promoting physical health doesn’t begin with shame... it begins with self determination, realization and desire. Meaning the only person that’s going to convince or put in the work to lose weight, is THEM.

3. Not criticizing your significantly smaller body in a negative light around that overweight person. If you’re 125 saying your fat and disgusting what impression do you think you leave with them about their own body?

4. Stop focusing so much on the physical aesthetic of being healthy and focus more on the catering and longevity of a healthier body. Having a nice figure is just a plus to being in shape. The strength, agility, smooth basic functions such as pooping regularly, having clear skin, having energy just to get through your daily life, is the true reward. (To be frank, we could all be in the best shape of our lives, but it doesn’t mean we're genetically built to have the ass, boobs, hips, abs or buff arms that’s trending. Although you can't guarantee your desired outcome, you're in shape body is guaranteed to look and feel better than the out of shape body you may be in now.)

5. If they are overweight and perfectly happy or confident, it's not your job to shame them into being insecure.

WHAT TO DO

1. Compliment them. They may not have a bangin’ body, but that’s not the only thing that makes someone attractive. Do they have nice hair? Pretty skin? Killer style? If so, TELL THEM. I don’t care how negative someone is, people respond to positivity; you never know how that may change their day or life.

2. Don’t tell anyone what they need to do. We barely know what we need to do in our own lives and if we did, its like pulling teeth to get it done. If you workout, do yoga or anything active, invite them. “Hey do u wanna do hot yoga with me?” Or “I’m going to the park to play basketball, wanna come?” It's a passive and light hearted way to initiate that exercise in their life but please accept the decline if they say no.

3. INVITATION! I had a friend in high school verbally tell me she didn’t invite me to her pool party because I was fat. So big people cant go to events? ...iight. Not sure if you think it will embarrasses them, or being seen with them embarrasses you, but either way it's not cool to assume they're not going to want to go for the simple fact they're overweight.

*And DON’T invite them out because you think standing next to them makes you look better. DO invite them because you genuinely wanted them to come.

4. If they complain about their physical appearance, LISTEN. Then, tell them all the amazing things about them. I’m sure they're in your life for a reason. And no, it doesn’t co-sign your approval that their overweight. ( They need your approval anyway) What it does do is shine light on all the other positive things that they are inside and out because they are more than that one “flaw”

Let's accept that Lizzo is the perfect amount of talent, beauty, personality and free spirit. and maybe she's just too much black girl magic for you to handle

Did I miss anything? If so leave a comment below :)

- A readable adventure

Nia! Zanzibar Jones